AUDITION PROCESS

Agent

It is Thursday 15th January 2004 . I have just left a 5 hour session teaching drama to about 40 ‘performing-arts’ students between the ages of 16-20 and my mobile is ringing.

It’s my Agent!

Now, this can mean one of three things;

1. He is calling to tell me I have just been offered the job that will change my life,

2. He is calling to tell me I have just been offered an audition for the job that will change my life,

3. He is calling to tell me I have been rejected for a job that I thought would change my life! As I haven’t had a potentially life-changing conversation with him in weeks OR a decent audition for ANYTHING, I’m intuitively guessing it’s … an audition!

My agent phone calls always tend to read like a World War telegram:

That’s it? I manage a simple ‘Bye’ as I hear the click of the receiver.

At this point I should be thinking: an audition, that’s fantastic, how lucky am I! What I’m actually thinking is: what the hell am I gonna sing? Panic sets in!! I spend the next hour or so under my bed pulling out every piece of sheet music I own. I have to sing a ‘Show tune’ … something that will show me in my best light. Umm… I decide that I should do some research.

I discover via the internet site for the Chichester Festival Theatre (‘CFT’) that the repertory season runs from April through September and this year includes - the British premier of a forgotten Cole Porter musical ‘Out Of This World’, a NEW production of Stiles & Drewe’s (dubbed “the brightest hopes for the future of the British musical”) “Just So” …. and numerous other wonderful productions with inspiring Directors! No pressure then!!

Over the past 12 months, when it has come to ‘singing’ auditions, my agent has used the words: ‘Rock’ and ‘Pop’. Now for an actor who trained in ‘straight’ theatre, and I use that term loosely, without prejudice and superiority, (not always the case with my fellow ‘thespians’!!!), I have managed to pull out the following from deep under my bed

• a token Sondheim song,
• a Rodgers and Hammerstein song,
• a contemporary musical theatre song.

So, knowing that I’m not auditioning for Boy George or Rod Stewart, and with the information I gathered from Chichester ’s website, I opt for my token Porter-esque type tune, ‘If I Loved You’, and my contemporary choice. As luck has it, my ‘more-modern’ musical theatre tune is ‘Does The Moment Ever Come’ from Just So. Lucky? I’m not sure!!

I have always told my students (and myself) “never sing a song from the show you are auditioning for”. Firstly, because the audition panel may have already heard it exquisitely sung 32 times that day (and simply just don’t wanna hear it until rehearsals start), and secondly, because you (the auditionee) may appear to be presumptuous and are telling them (the auditioners) that you are right for that role! As I only have three days to prepare, and I know I can’t learn lyrics under pressure, I decide not to try and find a Cole Porter song and settle on offering up (sounds like a religious metaphor!) my Rodgers &Hammerstein first and then subtly mention that I also happen to have a song from ‘Just So’ … by coincidence!

Happy with my decision, I spend the weekend quietly (and sometimes loudly) running through the lyrics and of course wondering where I will stay if I am offered the gig!! Roll on Monday …

Audition

The morning of … I awake with the usual apprehensive feeling. The kind of feeling you get when you are about to tell the ‘love-of-your-life’ that she is no-longer the ‘love-of-your-life’. Will she smile knowingly? Cry uncontrollably? Or just punch you square in the face? The fear of the unknown!

As with most aspiring actors, there are always those huge doubts in your mind, the feeling that whatever you do in that audition room simply won’t be good enough. Your inner demons are always hard at work on audition days; especially a first-round audition for something you would really love to get.

There’s the one who tells you that you aren’t really an Actor and that despite the, albeit small, successes of the past seven years, you never will be; then there’s another who ‘kindly’ suggests that if you mess up on this audition then that’s probably your only chance … gone!; and then there’s that really nice(!) demon who reminds you that you’ve managed to get other jobs in the past, so, no worries, they’ll probably take pity on you and offer you chorus and spear carrier!!

With these exquisite (!) images in the forefront of my mind, I kiss my gorgeous girlfriend goodbye and make tracks for the Drill Hall. I should mention here that my girlfriend luckily is also in ‘The Business’, (which we call ‘Show’ Business). She understands how I am feeling, she knows how much I want this job and she is therefore able to send me off totally convinced that I am a good Actor and that I truly deserve this job. The problem is there are a lot of good actors (and singers, and dancers) out there, and don’t I know it!

I arrive at the Drill Hall just off Goodge Street and I politely mention to the lady on reception that I’m here for the Chichester auditions. At this point I recognise her! Sheila and I worked together at a theatre ticket call-centre when I was ‘resting’ a couple of years ago (or ‘Professionally Self-Unemployed’, as I like to say!). Sheila is a small, compact motherly package of a lady. She reminds me of a boarding school secretary. I can imagine Sheila telling some third former that he can’t go on a school trip to Alton Towers coz his parents haven’t signed the consent form! She directs me to Room 2 on the first floor. So far, so good!

Now, the worst bit! - climbing those stairs and finding people you know waiting to go into their audition. I can’t think of anything worse!? Nothing beats that gut-wrenching feeling of seeing people you know.

There are two types of Actors at auditions; those who are comfortable and happy to chat, very loudly, to anyone about their most recent, critically acclaimed, performance, and those who simply want the earth to open up and swallow them. Fortunately, or unfortunately, (depending on how you look at it) I’m more of the latter. I prefer to speak to no one until I go into the audition room. I find my time outside that door worse than the audition itself.

So, here I am waiting patiently on the stairs outside Room 2 praying that no one among my fellow auditionees will ask me: “what are you singing today”; “what show are you in”; “do you know anyone on the panel?”

At last, after ten minutes of unavoidable listening to an ‘ageing’ actress tell a ‘close friend’ how she recently took a ‘regional’ theatre job just to get some ‘straight’ theatre on her CV hoping it would break up the string of ‘brilliant’ West End shows she’d been in, Ginny beckons me in! Thank god for that! Another minute, and I would have jumped out of the nearest window!

Ginny Schiller is a truly genuine and supportive Casting Director. Always friendly, never allowing the days activities affect her manner, and wanting you to impress the audition panel. As I follow her into the dreaded room I hear:

“Hi Simon, what are you going to sing for us?”

“Ummm…” Good start, can’t remember what I was going to suggest! “ Oh, I have ‘If I Loved You’ … and also ‘Does The Moment Ever Come’ from Just So, … actually”.

Silence.

“ Let’s have ‘Does The Moment Ever Come’ then” says Anthony Drewe.

I wasn’t sure if Anthony Drewe would be there. Well, he is, and I am now going to perform a song written by himself and George Stiles. I am no longer convinced this was a good idea! I glance toward the panel to see who is watching: Martin Duncan (Artistic Director), Richard Balcombe (Musical Director) and, of course Anthony Drewe (also Directing Just So)! I have a quick chat with the pianist about the tempo of the song. Never forget, your pianist can make, or break, your performance. You need this person on your side. Friendly and polite is the rule. Try flippant or just plain rude and those fingers might as well be around your throat than on those keys! I try to remember to breathe, I thank the pianist (which indicates I’m ready to start), and I sing …

Recall

I awake the next day to find a voice message on my mobile. It’s my Agent asking me to call.

Aaah! This is it. Don’t tell me; they didn’t like me? Or in Agent/Casting Director speak; “It’s not gonna work out this time”.

I spend the whole day calling my agent’s office, getting through to his secretary only and asking if he’s off the phone yet! She, in turn spends all day asking me my Surname. I think she’s new! I’ve only been with my agent about five years so I hope she’s new!!

5.50pm and I finally have him on the line. “Well” he says, “How did it go yesterday?”

Now there’s no way he would have called this morning to simply ask me how it went, so I’m guessing there’s news … (I’ve always been quick on the uptake)! I tell him that I only sang one song and that it went okay, also that they asked me a little about my previous credits, and that was it. I tell him I must have been in the audition room approximately six and a half minutes. The fact that he hasn’t said anything for a minute or two, has me guessing that he’s playing his little game -he asks me how the audition went and whatever I say he then tells me that they liked me, and they want to see me again! Well …

Thank god I’m right! I’m back in the day after next. Only this time I have to have three contrasting songs! One standard ballad, one ‘rocky’ and one ‘jazzy’. So, here I am back under the bed frantically searching for something appropriate! I’ve quickly decided (well convinced myself) that ‘If I Loved You’ is a perfect ballad, my Rod Stewart’s ‘I Don’t Wanna Talk About It’ is a perfect Rocky song and finally ‘I Got Rhythm’ is as Jazzy as you’ll ever get from me!

Cut to January 22nd at 10.57am. I am outside the Diarama2, Euston Centre and I’m thirteen minutes early. Now in waiting time, that’s an eternity! Luckily I’m met by a smiling Ginny
“Hi Simon, lovely to see you again”.
To my surprise I go straight in. Unfortunately (or do I mean,fortunately,) it wasn’t mentioned that we would be in the smallest room in the building, and that all of the creative team would be watching. Ah well! No pressure then!

With the enthusiastic support of the three gentlemen I’d met at my first-round, I perform all of my three chosen songs. Now, to some, this may sound positively good, but don’t forget, I have my negative ‘Actor’ head on, and the fact that I have to keep going until I have exhausted my complete repertoire means they haven’t got what they needed from me. I have heard that in some musical auditions, actors have been asked to sing Happy Birthday, because their repertoire wasn’t appropriate! I prayed this wasn’t to happen to me today! It didn’t.

I thanked them all (all seven of them!) for seeing me again, and left quickly trying not to be noticed by anyone waiting outside. I head for home …

Recall, Again

Well, it’s looking good! They clearly haven’t seen enough of me, coz a couple of weeks later I’m back in again – this time to MOVE! Now there’s a scary word. For the uninitiated, ‘Move’ means “dance audition” with a mix of people with different dancing abilities.

I not only have to dance, I have to sing as well as read some material from the two musicals (scripts thoughtfully supplied by Ginny’s office). With recalls for musicals you are normally given some script and a song for the role the Director has in mind for you. In my case it’s Art O’Malley in ‘Out Of This World’ and both Kangaroo & Leopard in ‘Just So’. I have prepared the material to the best of my ability. I’ve worked on the music, with the help of a pianist friend, and I’ve tried to learn the lines.

So, it’s the 18th February, and I’m back at the Drill Hall. Sheila’s nowhere in sight, so I go up to Room 2. For the first part of the day I will have to ‘move’ for the panel. I have changed into appropriate movement clothes. I felt that my all-in-one Lycra Cat-suit from 1984 would be just showing off, so I opted for a pair of trainers, vest top and tracksuit bottoms. Umm… looking sharp!

Here I am, waiting patiently on those stairs again! A collection of guys gather by the audition room. I am relieved to see I’m not over dressed. We all look a little apprehensive.

Stephen Mear,who is on the other side of the door, is the very talented ‘critically acclaimed’ choreographer of the ‘RNT’s Anything Goes’ and ‘Tonight’s The Night’. Although I know Stephen a little, I still can’t help but dread what is going to ‘happen’ in that room! We are all invited by Ginny to “come on in”. Aah! No way out now …

I check my fellow auditionees to see if they are in tights and legwarmers - always a sign that I may be a little out of my depth. Thankfully, not a pair of tights or legwarmers in sight. Someone starts to warm up and, like sheep, the rest of us follow. If you want to appear the consummate professional, never hang around leaning on the walls chatting. As I attempt to ‘touch-my-toes’, I realize that my hamstrings are stiffer than most of the performances in ‘Hollyoaks’. I pray that the routine Stephen has in store is a simple one! We begin …

Well, the hamstrings held out! The routine was an easy-going, jazzy soft-shoe-shuffle to a minute and a half of the Leopard & Jaguar song “We Want To Take The Ladies Out”. Stephen, a sympathetic choreographer, never appeared pushy as we gently learnt and tried to remember his steps. Despite the varying abilities of the auditionees, we all coped. A few achy muscles but no torn ligaments, and certainly no bruised egos!

Between my last week’s recall and this one I was called in to read for one of the plays in the season, ‘Seven Doors’ (described as “A surreal cabaret of contemporary manners. A sketch show of dreams”.) Martin Duncan (‘Mr D’!!) is directing both “Out Of This World” and this. My meeting went well. So, now I’m a little confused as to what I’m being considered for. I would later find out that casting a repertory (‘Rep’) season is extremely difficult for the creative team. It’s all about who wants who, i.e. which Director wants which Actor, and can said Actor be successfully cast ‘throughout’ the season.

Later in the day Ginny shows me into the audition room for a second time. I am now formally introduced to the panel. I pray that my preparation has been enough. I get to sing the fun love duet from ‘Out Of This World’ with Mr Richard Balcombe (which was … interesting) and read the script with Ginny playing my lover. I then sing through the ‘Just So’ songs and get to read this script with George Stiles (the composer!!).

All in all, I had a fun time today. I’m not sure if they really liked me, but at least this audition ran well over my six and a half minute record from the last time! Everyone was friendly and appeared to be enjoying the acting choices I had made. Ideally I’d love to have sung ‘Does The Moment Ever Come’, to show the panel that, maybe, I could be considered for the lead role of ‘The Elephant’s Child’. But, to have suggested it may have appeared either obnoxious or perhaps ungrateful, a risk I prefer not to take.

As I leave, I pass a queue of guys gathered on the stairs waiting to go in. Had my audition over run? If so, is that a good sign for me? Or are the panel just running behind? I’ll never know. Ever critical of myself, I feel I could have done slightly better, but I know that I haven’t let myself down. Every Actor wants to do his/her best, constantly. However, it’s up to the Director, and the panel, to see the potential. Well, fingers crossed, eh?

Offer 

It is early morning Monday 23 rd February. I have survived a weekend of ‘waiting’.

Every Actor knows that if your Agent hasn’t called by Friday then it’s a long weekend ahead! It reminds me of the time I was supposed to exchange on my flat on a Friday. My Solicitor didn’t call me all day. And why? Coz there had been a hitch in the transfer of the funds.

When I finally caught up with him it was too late to exchange and I would have to wait until the Monday when, he assured me, everything would be in place. What nobody knew was that the letting Agent had given me the keys to my new apartment … in the circumstances, there was nothing else for it, I would have to resort to illegally squatting! Now that was a long weekend, I can tell you!

At last, my mobile rings. The display says ‘Agent’ … it’s my Agent! Aaaah! This is it. I answer tentatively. It’s not my Agent; it’s someone from the office telling me I have another meeting/audition … for Chichester ! I’m sooo confused. I was reliably informed that my last recall was my last recall! “Oh, and by the way” he says, “you’ve been offered Art in ‘Out of this World’ and Leopard in ‘Just So’”. This news is given to me so casually that I don’t know if it’s a wind-up. Was the caller about to congratulate me? No! It’s just another day in the office for him. Well, I was understandably pleased, chuffed and happy. A little part of me wished the offer was for the Elephant’s Child in ‘Just So’, but deep down I was just simply relieved that there’s still someone out there who will hire me. Joke!

My girlfriend congratulated me accordingly (with a hug and a kiss) and we got to work arranging our diaries with my performance dates. I couldn’t help but think about ‘that’ dance routine. If I’m to take on the Leopard, I certainly have more than a minute and a half to learn. Roll on physiotherapy!

So, back to that ‘other’ audition. I discover it is for the Russian play ‘The Master & Margarita’. I read for the adaptor (Edward Kemp), because the director, Stephen Pimlott, was still in New York opening ‘Bombay Dreams’. I was later told that the creative team wanted me to do both musicals instead of ‘Seven Doors’, and were also considering me for a role in ‘The Master & Margarita’ too.

I would find out later in rehearsals if I were needed!

Whatever happens with the other casting, I want to go to Chichester . I’ve always wanted to do a Rep Season, I’ve always wanted to work at The Chichester Festival Theatre, I’ve always wanted to work with Stiles&Drewe (coz I love their writing!) and … I gotta pay my mortgage (call me old fashioned!!).

It has to be said, I’m a lucky boy! (Well, man clinging to his late twenties!!) No pressure!!!! 

A few days after accepting the offer for Chichester I called my agent (a task never to be taken lightly!) to confirm the details. Rehearsals for ‘Out Of This World’ start 22 nd March in London and open at the Festival Theatre on the 29 th April. Rehearsals for ‘Just So’ start 4th May and open 11th June.

Before I get to tackle the ‘stories of Rudyard Kipling’ in musical form I have to:

• Understand the melodic brilliance of Cole Porter (which is easier said than done!!)
• Get over my first day nerves,
• Meet and befriend the cast for the season,
• Rehearse and learn a big show,
• Find digs in Chichester (which is not easy when the list provided is longer than ‘War and Peace’)

… and then I’ll get to ‘Just So’ … Hey! No pressure!!!

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Read the next part of Simon's diary - "Out Of This World"