THE END

Saturday 25th September

Today has been a long time a-coming! In fact we have “made the magic” in over 30 JS performances.

I’m awake before my alarm. It must be the anticipation of the day ahead! Today will see the close of the Season with a JS matinee, and then, this evening, our very last performance of the Festival - OOTW. It will be a busy day for me as not only am I appearing in both shows, but I will also be expected to “perform” for a large group of family and friends over a late lunch, between the two shows!

So, let the day begin!

Just after 10:00 am our Landlord and the Letting Agent call round to inspect Old Bakery Gardens. My GG and I are already washed and packed. Mars greets them at the front door in his silk pyjamas (what a star!). The Parsee is busy packing up his extensive wardrobe … and facial products!! The Giraffe went home Thursday night, so she is nowhere to be seen.

With a satisfactorily inspection of the flat screen … I mean … house, my GG and I set off to the Minerva Theatre to watch a rehearsed reading. “The Cat In The Kennel” is a fun children’s story and is directed by our very own Breen! I had been reliably tipped off that the ensemble performing the reading couldn’t get through their rehearsal yesterday without laughing at the silliness of it! My GG and I really enjoyed it… a witty and silly script and very funny performances!

With plenty of time before the warm-up, my GG and I relax in the Green Room with a nice cup of tea! Although it is still early, the Kangaroo bounds in with the Kolokolo Bird, who has her, very excited, Mum with her.

As I go in for the cast warm-up my GG heads off to the Chic Café to meet my parents, who have called to say they are here - they sound pretty excited too!

The Cooking Stove produces his Ethel Merman dance CD for the warm-up. There’s a lot of energy in the auditorium. Although we will miss “making the magic”, most of us are ready for our last performance of JS! High spirits abound, but not everyone is in the best of health! The Parsee has been unable to shake a nasty cold and sore throat, and my mate, the Jaguar, sounds more like a lethargic Barry White than a hungry jungle cat!

After much humming, aah-ing and lala-ing, David prepares to take us through some of the choruses - we haven’t sung any of the numbers for two weeks now, and I find myself searching furiously around in my brain for my JS show file!

Singing through the end of ‘Go Forth’ it all comes flooding back… and wow, what a sound we all make together – (I hope we sound this good when we gather together one last time in the recording studio).

Before we leave the auditorium, Lou reminds us that we must present the technical team in the bows at the end of the performance. The Cooking Stove confirms with David, and ourselves, that we will acknowledge the technical guys after presenting the band and before our very last bow. A well deserved acknowledgement, in my opinion.
“Have a good last show!” calls David as we “go forth” to prepare for our last performance (although, dear reader, one must remember that most of us have one more “last” performance this evening!).

It never takes me long to get ready for the show, so I have time to pop over to the Chic Cafe and say “Hi” to my family and friends. They are all enthusiastically geared for an afternoon - and evening - of entertainment. Out of the corner of my eye I spot our CWEP, who has apparently helicoptered in from Bristol (again!), - he is with G&A and Stephen, and they are all looking pretty upbeat!

“Enjoy the show,” I say to my guests - “I’ll be the one dressed like a cat!”

“Have a good show,” says my GG.

“I’ll see you all in the restaurant - or in the car park maybe?” - I’m always the first out of stage door after the show!

Back in the corridors outside the dressing rooms chaos reigns. The air is buzzing with excitement - it feels like Opening Night again!

I pop round to wish everyone a good last JS. The feeling of relief that I have made it to the last day is beginning to set in!

All our JS creatives are milling around in the corridors, looking delighted to see us all. Let’s hope they enjoy themselves – and, more importantly, let’s hope they remember we haven’t performed the show for two weeks …I’m not using this as an excuse - in fact, I have a feeling [in my “marrow” bones!] that we are going to make them proud!

Back in my dressing room (my very own dressing room, for possibly a very long time) I find flowers from my Great Uncle Bob and his family. My excitement is growing!

Suddenly, a tapping at the door heralds the arrival of Steven Pimlott! Now, I wrote to Steven last week to tell him how much I enjoyed M&M, and to say I would love to play the role of Ivan some day - but today he doesn’t mention it … and neither do I!

“Have a wonderful show Simon”, he says, “and thank you for a great Season!”

“No, thank you!” I cheerily reply, “I’ve really enjoyed my time here. I hope you enjoy the matinee!”

Lou announces the five-minute call, and I spring into action. It’s cream long-johns time… here we go!

Backstage cast and crew are wishing each other good luck! Jess and all our other lovely wardrobe girls are putting out the pre-set costumes ready for our quick changes - amorphous animals into Elephants - Elephants in to Commis Chefs – Commis Chefs in to animal personas. Not long until Leopard time!

For the last time, Paul whispers, “take your places”. We assemble at our doorways – there’s a lot of hugging going on and I give my mate Barry White - I mean, Jaguar - a hug. “This is it”, I say, “lets make it a great last performance, fellow comedy genius!”

“You lucky girl” I whisper to the Zebra, “one show and you’re done, think of the rest of us tonight won’t you?!” She laughs, “Let’s do this show then” she smiles.

Today feels like the last day of school. We all hope to keep in touch … but in the reality of a busy life, it doesn’t always happen. We have been on an amazing journey together, and six months - and 39 shows - later, we have only two and a half hours left!

I peek through the crack in the double doors I share with Zebra - the Festival Theatre auditorium is bursting at the seams. A full house - fantastic!

For a second I think about my GG and my family sitting out there – I am so anxious that they enjoy the performance …

“… and then he told all the animals that they could come out to play” (says the Eldest Magician). That’s our cue - we open our doors… for the last time.

Act One absolutely flies by. I can’t seem to remember much of it, except that Barry White and I get fantastic applause, and cheers, after our ‘Ladies Out’ number. I’m guessing that it probably has a lot to do with my enthusiastic guests though! In fact, every production number receives a wonderful round of applause. I can’t help but notice my group sitting at the side of the auditorium… and also Stephen, on the centre aisle about four rows back!

During the interval I pop down to the wardrobe department to thank the girls for all their help. I am immediately shooed out! What’s going on? A couple of seconds later I am ushered in and notice a couple of the girls secreting something in a washing basket! I decide it’s best not to ask!?!?!??!?!

Act Two! I go backstage a little earlier than usual to listen to ‘Wait A Bit’, making myself comfortable on one of the Kangaroo packing cases. Unfortunately, I am a little too early, and when the Eldest Magician makes his exit through the doors on stage I find myself in full view of the audience. Fortunately, he closes the doors very quickly. I hope nobody noticed this sweaty Leopard, slumped on a box with his hat in his hands!

“Well, Best Beloveds” whispers the Eldest Magician … “here we have the Leopard … sat on a box … backstage!” We laugh (quietly)!

The temptation is almost too great to throw my all into this show, but I know I must conserve energy for this evening’s performance of OOTW - I certainly don’t want to burn out before 10:00 pm.

The laughter, cheers, and applause become progressively louder as we approach the end of the show. It’s a wonderful feeling. Our audience are very definitely enjoying themselves!

After the Jaguar (now a very croaky Barry White with a touch of Rod Stewart!!) and the Leopard (that’s me!) get their spots, I pop back to room J to dry off a bit, and to get some water to replace the fluids that have been expelled by a virtual “Limpopo River” of perspiration!!

The Wardrobe girls have left me a prezzie - a pair of big white pants with a large spotty tie on the front, and on the back it says, “Leopard Official Show Pants 2004 – Meat, Did He Say Meat?” All the girls have signed them, (so that’s what they were hiding during the interval!). They have given everyone in JS a special pair of show pants. The Giraffe and I have a photo taken together. She has brown patches on the front of hers.

I make my way up to the stage for the last Pau Amma entrance and the Finale. “Nearly there”, I say to the Kangaroo (who is flat on his back with exhaustion, his large air filled legs protruding from his sides). “92%” he says, “the final push!!”

As we sing our very last Limpopo River (reprise!) the audience go wild… and as the revolve carries me around the stage I can see their smiling faces, as well as those of the crew and fellow ensemble huddled in the auditorium doorways, (not to mention the teary faces of our lovely wardrobe girls!). I feel very proud to have been a part of “Just So”.

At our very last sustained note of ‘river…’ the audience are on their feet! The ‘Just So’ run at the CFT is officially - over!

During the past forty performances I have:
• Got my spots - only a mere 40 times
• Gone up the stairs to the shelf - 80 times
• Said “especially their marrow bones” - 80 times
• Changed into my Leopard suit -120 times
• Entered through the doors - 480 times
• Sung the words ‘Just So’- over 720 times (Wow!) … and
• Drunk over 160 pints of water (and probably sweated double that!)

Once I’m showered, Jess pops in to collect my washing. Her eyes are red and slightly puffy. In fact, all the wardrobe girls have been crying. They tell me that JS is their favourite show of the Festival Season. “We’re really going miss it”, says Jess.

“Thank you so much Jess”, I say, trying to comfort her a little, “at least we have another show tonight - Carry On OOTW! - it’s not all over yet!”

As I pass George at the stage door he says, “Well done, see you in the recording studio!” Will do!

Unfortunately, there is no sign of any of the other creatives… I suppose I’m too quick out of costume… I don’t get to say goodbye, but of course I’ll see them at the recording studio too!

Just around the corner from the stage door, practically outside the theatre I see my large group of… groupies… walking in convoy out of the theatre.

“Well done my lad”, says my Great Uncle Bob, “tell you what, that Giraffe’s a bit tasty!” “Easy Uncle Bob, easy”. (When I say “easy” of course, I’m not suggesting the Giraffe puts it about, I’m just trying to calm down an over-excited OAP!)

“Wonderful, my Best Beloved!” says my Aunt … “just wonderful!”

As I walk with family and friends toward our Restaurant (no home-made sandwiches for me today!!!!!), they talk of how much they enjoyed the show. I breathe a small sigh of relief… one down, one to go!

Once we are all settled at the table, my Aunt presents me with a box of prezzies - in fact, it’s a ‘grey - trunk’ of prezzies! I delve in to the trunk and look up to see everyone watching in anticipation - it’s like Christmas come early! There is a beach towel bearing a beautiful Leopard print, an Italian novel - ‘The Leopard’ by Lampedusa - and framed limited edition stamps. One frame bears a Cole Porter stamp and the other, larger, frame has a centenary set of ten fantastic ‘Just So Stories’ stamps. I look forward to finding a home for my very thoughtful presents.

Once I have eaten, I make my excuses – I have to get back to the theatre and get ready for the evening show. Now there really is only one to go! At the Stage door I have a card waiting for me. It’s from a G&A fan who has flown over from America to see JS (and to take in some West End shows). “Loved your show” she writes, “truth be told, it was one of the biggest (and best) I saw on this trip”.
Fine praise indeed!

I make my very last dressing room visits. Ruth and Mr D are also doing the rounds, wishing everyone a good show. I just so (no pun intended!) happen to notice Mr D’s OOTW tickets in his shirt pocket.

“Good seats Mr D!” I say, “Wow, stalls E43 and 44?”

“Oh no!” he replies, “you know where I’m sitting!”

“Well… this show’s for you Mr D!”

While I’m thanking Ruth and Mr D for such a wonderful Season, various people have come out of their dressing rooms. It’s like a staff meeting! There’s Juno, Richard Balcombe, Helen … all of us wishing each other a good last show and thanking each other for such a fun run at the CFT!!

By the time I get back to Room J, which I am kindly(!) sharing with Mars for this show (!!!), I find him dressed in his kilt and toga top, while Jess is helping him into his (plastic) silver armour!

“Well, this is it mate!” I say to him, “Enjoy! See you out there!”

Lou announces “Beginners”…..

Before my amazing transformation from Simon Greiff the Actor, into Art O’Malley the Hollywood Screen Writer, I listen to the OOTW Overture one last time! It is such a shame that the powers that be have decided not to put us in the studio to do the ‘Original British Cast Recording’… but it’s no matter, because I shall forever have these marvellous Cole Porter melodies playing away in my head!?

As I make my way up to the stage, I notice props and bits and pieces of scenery from other productions have been packed away … it really is ‘The End’!

During the interval of OOTW, disaster happens!! While chatting to Night’s husband, I am busy washing my ‘first night mug’ (a very special mug presented to me by my GG) … and “crash” it goes – my VERY SPECIAL MUG – broken! I’ve been using it every show day for five months and tonight I break it. I am bereft. BUT then it occurs to me - maybe I wasn’t supposed to take it home, maybe it was supposed to remain here in Chichester?!?!

As we take our last bow at the CFT, there are tears and smiles – and tearful smiles – in every direction! The audience are cheering and whooping and clapping loudly. It’s over! Both the Voms are filled with wardrobe girls, and members of the crew and box office.

We present the band (for their more-than-well-earned bow), then the technical team out front… and FINALLY we take our very last bow. I make the very most of this moment and commit it all to memory - the full auditorium, the bright lights, the noise of happy and entertained people … everything! And then … it’s over!

It doesn’t take me long to shower, dress and pack up my dressing room. I give Mars a hug and thank him for being a great dressing room - and house - mate!

Over in the Chic Café my “groupies” have gathered - smiles abound! There’s my Mum and Dad, my sister and friend, my Aunt and Uncle, my Great Uncle Bob and the family, my flatmate Bernie, and other faithful friends… and last but certainly not least, my GG! “Well done, my love,” she says “they all loved it”.

Some have made the long drive to Chichester several times, and some are here for the first time – but ALL are bursting with delight – not jut for me, but for all those who have been a part of JS and OOTW – and given so much pleasure!

What a great day… and what a wonderful way to finish this CFT Season.

Just after 11:00 pm we all wander over to our cars in the car park. “Well done Son”, says my Mum, “Speak soon… and drive carefully!”
“You too!”
“Oh, did you get to keep the linen suit from OOTW?” she enquires (is it every Mother’s wish for her son to own a cream linen suit?!?!) …
“May have!!” I cheekily reply!

Knowing that some of the cast and crew are in The Bell – for one last drink - my GG, Bernie, and I pop over to say goodbye.

We don’t stay long as The Bell is absolutely heaving! I know that I’ll see the JS cast in a couple of weeks, and so once I have done the rounds to thank everyone - especially the wonderful stage management team - (no sign of Mr D!) - we set off home!

Chichester to London… for the last time! Eighty-three miles in my little Mini Cooper, all loaded up with my belongings … Oh, and my GG and flatmate!

Without a doubt the Chichester Festival Theatre has been so much more than “Just So” … in fact it’s been quite simply: “OUT OF THIS WORLD”!!

Simon Greiff
AKA ‘The [anorexic] Leopard’

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Read the final part of Simon's diary - Just So (No More)